The truth is that I have never been a brave person. I’m not. So when I realized, that I am gay and that wasn’t something that I could change I got very scared. And I still don’t know how to get rid of this deeply rooted fear, that people will react badly, once I tell them about my sexuality. I’m surrounded by very liberal people so I was shocked, when I had my first face-to-face encounter with a blatant homophobe. I was at this party and he had two beers and started quoting the bible and reasoning why gay marriage was wrong. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My blood froze. He couldn’t know that he was talking to a lesbian, right? He couldn’t! He didn’t know – he was just an a-hole but nevertheless, I felt validated in my fear of coming out. Because then this would be the discussions that I would have to face. Even surrounded by seemingly educated people from university, I would have to experience hate like that. The 100 and Lexa became my courage boost. Every Friday (since I’m Eurokru) I would watch the new episode and I would feel empowered. It was like Lexas courage was dripping through the screen into me. In conversations with family and friends I would go through the words in my head , making up entire speeches on how I would finally tell them about myself. To the point where I couldn’t even follow the conversations anymore. It was impolite but it was alright, because I was ready. I just needed a little more courage. A little more “Friday”. Friday came and Lexa died. So did my courage. Now I find my strength in this fandom and the Leskru-gals. I came out to a queer friend. It felt like a safe thing to do and it was. Baby-steps, right? I wish things would have gone differently, but we cannot change what has already happened. Maybe – hopefully – this movement can change how it will go in the future.
